Week 15 / August 28-September 3, 2017

Rankings (All Bad So In Descending Order of Awfulness)

The Guardian (1990)

Billy Friedkin spins a tawdry tale of a wood spirit babysitter that is only redeemed by its climatic man-battles-tree scene that has to be inspired by Raimi’s Evil Dead series. Has to.

The Shallows (2016)

Even as a sucker for those modern shark films, I found this pretty unredeemable.

Troy (2004)

Sometimes your job requires you to stay late, sometimes your job requires you watch the Director’s Cut of Troy. Work is for suckers.

Week 14 / August 21-27, 2017

Rankings (Auteur Division: John Carpenter)

The Thing (1982)

I almost always have a different reaction each time I see this film–from considering it a bit fallow to anointing it a gen-u-wine classic–meaning it’s a significant work of art.

Dark Star (1974)

How much was I wow’d by my virgin viewing of this stoner philosophy space comedy? I ordered the goddamn French movie poster (see: below) on eBay. (Unfortunately for me it happens to be lobby-poster sized, so not sure what to do when it comes to framing it.)

Christine (1983)

I know this one can be a bit divisive, but I love its steady balance between high school film and horror flick. Plus, I got to “meet” Christine at the screening. See:

Rankings (The Rest, From Best to Real, Real Poor)

Let it Be (1970)

Finally able to watch the VHS version I bought @ Eddie Brandt’s for $10 and it turns out it wasn’t, as I feared, a bootleg copy of Charles in Charge!

Brother Orchid (1940)

Edward G. as a monk (sort of). Ok, that’s fun.

Maximum Overdrive (1986)

It’s been argued this is a film directed by cocaine, and I’m powerless to disagree. I will say that I could see myself watching it again, so it’s not a total wash.

Brainstorm (1983)

Natalie Wood’s last film that is, otherwise, to be avoided like the plague.

 

 

Week 13 / August 14-20, 2017

Rankings (Auteur Division: Mario Bava)

Black Sunday (1960)

Not sure what I love most: the masks, Steele, or the mise-en-scène. Regardless, this sole Bava classic provides one of contemporary horrors most enviable complete packages.

Hatchet for the Honeymoon (1970)

This sumptuous Bava was the first screening at the Egyptian Theater’s Bava-fest, and my socks were knocked off! (But, thankfully, not because it was freezing inside the theater.)

5 Dolls for an August Moon (1970)

A swingin’ fun sexy-island-cabin-time for hip moderns, only with an immensely inscrutable plot.

Lisa and the Devil (1973)

Telly Salavas is in this, and apparently he’s sprinkling sleeping dust over the whole damn thing cuz I was consistently zonking out.

Rankings (Actor Division: Lon Chaney)

Where East is East (1929)

Conflates Orientalism with lusty sexuality, as those silent pictures were wont to do, but Chaney is always a treat to watch sweat and wince through any film.

West of Zanzibar (1928)

This time Chaney’s in Africa, so, um, yeah you can guess how that goes (hint: it features paralysis and white savior shit). But you can’t argue with the aesthetics of these silent Chaney features:

Rankings (The Rest–Yes, I Watched a Lot this Week)

Craig’s Wife (1936)

A woman’s weepie, which is often enough for me to endorse, but cinching my top slot here by Rosalind Russell effectively making you hate her damn guts.

The Hidden (1987)

I happened to be on this very street, at Miceli’s, the same week I watched this hybrid sci-fi/cop procedural film. It makes me sad that the Harem Room is “lost” and instead, just past the light on Hollywood Blvd., this corner of Hollywood “gained” the Rusty (fucking) Mullet 😦

The Mask (1994)

You probably, like me, are in your 30s and remember this somewhat fondly. Instead, you should remember moments like this (see: below) are more common than anything vaguely “smokin’!”

 

 

Week 12 / August 7-13, 2017

Rankings (LOL. No.)

Girls Trip (2017)

Loved watching this with eight female family members ranging in age from 36-82 in one of those reclining fancy theater seats in Canton, Ohio. #proudamerican

The Blob (1988)

You lose Steve McQueen in this updating, but you gain, well, so much more:

 

Week 11 / July 31-August 6, 2017

Rankings (From Unimpeachable Classic to Fairly Incontestably Classic to Two Other Films)

The Wizard of Oz (1939)

Like the Great American Novel, this is America’s Great Film. (Seeing it in a classic 1920-era movie palace in Canton, Ohio didn’t hurt.)

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Hadn’t properly paid tribute to Romero since his passing. I could easily pick three movies from his canon I prefer, but not three I think are more significant to film history.

Predator (1987)

Ok, sure, I get some of the appeal. But I was pretty overwhelmed by this–beyond the conceptual brilliance of fusing the war film with a horror/sci-fi picture.

Sausage Party (2016)

I put this on to try and keep my 91 year old grandmother awake (she once stayed glued to the TV when I screened Ted), but it didn’t work…until she started to stir just before the food orgy scene.

Basically what it looks like outside the theater any given night of the week

Week 10 / July 24-30, 2017

Rankings (Best to Not as Best; i.e., Another Solid Week of Offerings)

Parts: The Clonus Horror (1979)

A night of grindhouse films about cloning (at the New Bev, of course) were the highlights of this week. I remember clones bicycling and an awkwardly blocked sex scene from this one, not to mention a solid balancing of pathos and thrills.

What About Bob? (1991)

This movie (“baby steps out the door?”) is part of my DNA. I cannot objectively assess it. But, if I could, I might say it has pacing issues–alongside a handful of my all-time quotable lines (“a vacation from my problems!”).

The Clones (1973)

A surprisingly strong cloning thriller–not Clonus strong, but pretty hale–that happens to feature Julio from Sanford and Son and Mule from The Last Detail. I’m powerless to resist!

The Founder (2016)

A kind of fable about capitalism that can’t decide whether to denigrate or celebrate it.

#localsonly

 

Week 9 / July 17-23, 2017

No, I didn’t get (more) terrible @ time management and calculations. For over a week I didn’t watching a single movie because: I moved! And moving, in Los Angeles, requires you to forfeit whatever life you previously held dear. Alas, I hopped back on the wagon shortly after setting up my nü idiot box.

Rankings (Top-Down, Classic Style)

Cooley High (1975)

Nice to finally see this on the big screen–I never tire of watching this film–at the New Beverly. I’m not into hyperbole, so I won’t say it’s better, though I might like it more than American Graffiti (1973); a film whose success, no doubt, made it possible.

Youngblood (1978)

The other Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs film from that solid night at the New Beverly. I’d also seen this one before, but the ending was even more devastating–I felt more invested–on the big screen.

Yours, Mine and Ours (1968)

I have a major soft spot for this one, yet I didn’t like it as much as the first time I saw it. (It’s too long, for sure.) Still, I love imagining Lucille Ball as a warm-hearted mother and tender lover because it flies in the face of the notorious things I’ve read of her treatment of Patty Duke.

Saw (2004)

I’m pretty sure I like other films in the series better than this–having purchased the set, I’ll be able to test that silly thesis–but it still remains a remarkably auspicious first shot across the bough for a horror franchise.

How to Make a Doll (1968)

A remarkably unfunny, uninspired, uninteresting, and characteristically unsexy Herschell Gordon Lewis film* that I half-watched building an IKEA bathroom storage unit that I fully returned because, like this film, it sucked.

(Scenes like this^ go on way, way too long.)

 

*And, yes, I’m identifying most of those things as outliers to how I commonly view his work.

Week 8 / July 3-9, 2017

Rankings (Let’s B Ril + Confess They All Have Issues. Therefore, Chronological)

Rich and Strange (1931)

An early Hitchcock film that felt, to me, a bit like a dress rehearsal for Mr. and Mrs. Smith (1941), but–not particularly loving that film–darker and quirkier. There were, however, problems: Glib Orientalism and the tinniest dialogue ever recorded on an actress (making it impossible to make out 99% of her lines). [Squished face emoji]

The Music Man (1962)

I was never a show-tunes, theater kid. But I loved The Simpsons. And “Marge vs. the Monorail” is one of TV’s finest (half)hours.

Hide in Plain Sight (1980)

James Caan directs, and it’s a domestic drama about child abduction. Whether you enjoy this film might depend on how you feel about the people, words, and implications of my previous sentence. Admittedly, I struggled.

Firefox (1982)

Maybe the best film on the list. I wasn’t sure I’d live in a world (er, city) where I could see Clint Eastwood’s invigorating Cold War thriller twice on the big screen. But, thanks to the New Beverly’s proprietor’s fondness for this beaut, I have.

Red Dawn (1984)

As a cult film guy from way back when, I was surprised it took me so long to see this thing. I wasn’t blown away–you know, because I’m not an adolescent–but it was fun seeing it with a crowd on the 4th of July at the New Beverly. Though the responses were markedly split between sincere and ironic enjoyment, capped with a “What the fuck is so funny?” bellow near the film’s climax that (unsurprisingly) brought down the house.

Grumpy Old Men (1993)

You know what you may not remember from when you saw this as a child and liked it because it was old men cussing? That those same old men are trying to pork Ann-Margret the whole time.

Everybody Wants Some!! (2016)

“Spiritual” sequels are bullshit. But, unlike the double exclamation points, this grew on me by the end. I still can’t envision a world where I reach for it instead of Dazed and Confused (1993).

(Screengrab from The Music Man)

 

 

Week 7 / June 26-July 2, 2017

Rankings (Pretty Fair to Fascinating Disaster)

Baby Driver (2017)

I enjoyed Edgar Wright’s The World’s End (2013). Many did not. Those many loved Baby Driver. I liked the soundtrack and look a lot. I wished it were funnier. EW is still great. Nothing resolved. The end.

Rabbit, Run (1970)

I love John Updike, and I’m obsessed with his Rabbit novels–which encapsulate an American cultural life throughout the last half of the 20th century better than anything else I’ve encountered–so I was bound to like this even in its failures. And, to be clear, it’s a failure; though, surprisingly, Caan isn’t the reason.

Message From Space (1978)

A low-budget Star Wars rip-off (presented as a set at the New Beverly), but who cares because:

Kiss of the Tarantula (1976)

An insane movie about a woman who kills with slow moving tarantulas. Yet, sadly given that fact, I found it pretty dull.

Starcrash (1978)

The lesser sibling in the Star Wars knock-off game. A total failure, and yet a laff riot.

 

Week 6 / June 19-25, 2017

Rankings (The It’s-All-Good-Until-The-Final-Two Division)

Smile (1975)

About a million reasons why this film is firmly in the top spot for the week, but, right now, let’s go with guacamole dip.

Sweet Revenge (1976)

As not the biggest Grease fan you’re likely to come across, I was blown away by Stockard Channing here. It’s a bravura performance, and she’s solely responsible for twisting one of my least favorite subgenres (car/car chase films) into something quirky and endearing.

Diggstown (1992)

Another early ’90s film doing its part to win me over, and, sans its paint-by-numbers score, almost a perfect popcorn film. If you don’t get gut-pangs for good, glossy ’90s cinema with this, you’ll want to check your pulse. Seeing it alongside Smile made me–for about the seventh time–reconsider my assessment of Michael Ritchie. I guess I really like him, though The Candidate still makes my eye twitch when I think of skipping it on election night at the New Beverly because the doomsday stats had already oozed in during the first feature, Shampoo, and I instead decided to drive home in miserable rage.

Rancho Notorious (1952)

Fritz Lang goes West. (And gets kinky…er…kinkier.)

He Ran All the Way (1951)

The film that killed John Garfield!*

*That’s sensationalistic, I realize, but not entirely untrue.

One Crowded Night (1940)

What he said. 

Live Like Line (2017?)

Maudlin, maudlin, maudlin, saccharine, and maudlin. And, yet, I enjoyed myself–seeing it in sneak preview form with some of the good-natured and wholly innocuous cast at the Grove.

Punk Vacation (1990)

What you see, definitely not what you get.

 

Week 5 / June 12-18, 2017

Rankings (From Best to Fine)

The Beguiled (1971)

Since there are an awful lot of internet think pieces floating around about this exact sentiment, I no longer feel compelled to promote the excellence of this film. I will just tease my pending take–it has a lot to do with the screenwriters and archival material–for when my dissertation is finally published as a book in the summer of 2030.

Speed (1994)

I’m having “profound” thoughts about ’90s, especially early ’90s, cinema lately, but my main take away is that I love (and severely miss) the practical locations and fx.

47 Meters Down (2017)

Always bemused by people who take a film like this to task because of the protagonist’s motivations. Personally, the only motivation I need a protagonist in a film like this to possess is the desire to get close to but not totally eaten–at least not right away–massive sharks.

Seeing this with a rabid crowd at the premiere in Westwood, from a balcony with the cast hundreds of feet below, was an added treat.

Killer Party (1986)

“It’s The Exorcist meets Friday the 13th meets Animal House!”

“Say again?”

Gimme Danger (2016)

The films of JJ are something I enjoy–I mean, I’m hip, people–though he could’ve brought more pizzazz to this. It helped that I love The Stooges and Iggy, in whatever iteration, and could listen to Jim Osterberg talk for days. His fractured take on his American life is delicious.

Rankings (Lesser Coppola, Sofia)

Lick the Star (1998)

Seeing Sofia’s debut short projected at the New Beverly Cinema before her latest feature, with the filmmaker and Tarantino sitting feet away, is sort of a once-in-a-lifetime thing.* Loved the spiky verve of this short; it makes you excited anew for Sofia. How could it not? 

*”Sort of” because living in LA and frequenting repertory theaters means this happens about once every six months.

The Beguiled (2017)

I’ll need to see this again, in far less (ahem) beguiling settings–forgive me!–to be able to objectively assess. Liked it, though I definitely didn’t love it and I’m not entirely sure why.

Marie Antoinette (2006)

Actually had to stop the DVD viewing of this for quality–and not of the technical variety–issues. Ended up enjoying it more than those inauspicious beginnings would suggest, but would still categorize it as “Genuinely disappointing.”

Week 4 / June 5-11, 2017

Rankings (From Quite Strong to Strong to Pretty Ok to Meh)

Lillies of the Field (1963)

I love Poitier because I’m a goddamn American film fan, but I’m not quite sure how I built that foundation for love without witnessing the pure joy that is him buddying up with German nuns near my beloved Tucson, AZ. (Even recollecting about this movie made me want to quit writing this post to re-watch it–should you wonder how much I enjoyed it.)

Honeysuckle Rose (1980)

Willie Nelson performs himself.

The Seduction of Joe Tynan (1979)

Alan Alda’s sexuality is never something you think you’re interested in, and this movie won’t convince you otherwise, yet, despite that, it remains a minor treat.

The Black Cat (1934)

All hail Karloff. 

Looking for Mr. Goodbar (1977)

Minorly obsessed with this film/book–I read it one summer in Canton, OH, and that is definitely as weird as all that sounds. The film doesn’t fully achieve its lofty aims, but that doesn’t mean it won’t wreck you by the end.

For Pete’s Sake (1974)

If this movie was just its opening credits, it’d crack my top 200 films of the 1970s. (I realize that doesn’t sound impressive, but, as an aficionado of ’70s film, cracking my top 150 is pretty difficult.)

Beyond the Gates (2016)

So pleased to see Eddie Brandt’s in a film! And honestly, given the budget and the limitations of an amateur production, they strung together a decent film. Naturally, like anyone who haunts Eddie Brandt’s, I assume I could’ve done a much, much better job.

If You’re Not in the Obit, Eat Breakfast (2017)

I love old people. I especially love old comedians. I, in particular, love the old comedians featured here (Reiner, Brooks, Lear). And the other old non-comedians, who teach us stuff about the human spirit and whatnot. I would’ve gladly watched the 60 Minutes piece on the above. Sadly, they instead released it in the form of a 90 minute documentary.